enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
