Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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