forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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