Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
