WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
