and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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