is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
