this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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