I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
