i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
