Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
