When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
