I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
