Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
