I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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