if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
