I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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