I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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