the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
