Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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