onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
