I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
the raccoons are back...
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