my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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