Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
