i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize