All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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