She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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