I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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