Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
