But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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