this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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