Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
