I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
