Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
