i think my tv is drunk
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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