Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
