I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
