she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize