WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
