our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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