I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
