i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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