My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
