Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
