i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize