3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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