Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
