When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The air taste purple.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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