I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
