I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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