this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Are we still banned from the library?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
