I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
