Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize