So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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