sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
