I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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