wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
