Too much gin, very little bucket
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
