I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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