I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
