I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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