saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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