My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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