Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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