WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She tied me up with her honor cords...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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