I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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